Monday, June 3, 2013

By Faith

When you say by faith, I'm going to trust God and do whatever God says, it changes everything. This is where I must surrender my plans for God's plans. While it's easy for us to say that, living that out is a daily if not hourly or perhaps minute by minute struggle. In every situation and relationship of life, there is a constant battle being fought in our hearts. It's a battle of what God wants for me and what I want for me. I think about my kids for instance. When God asked us to place my fertility on the altar and trust in Him, I can remember fighting that battle for YEARS. Thank God I have had such a sweet and patient OB because God love her, she put up with me coming in and working through this on many visits. Yesterday Levi and I were sitting and talking and I had this moment where it hit me, had I not trusted and obeyed the Lord that Levi would not have been here. I got pregnant with Levi when Morgan was three months old. I can remember calling Ryan and freaking out and he assured me that everything would be okay. So yesterday Levi and I are having one of our often heart to heart talks and he hugs and kisses me and I just thanked the Lord in that moment for convicting my heart so deeply because this world is a better place with Levi in it. He loves Jesus and he loves people. He prays daily that all people would be saved. When Ryan prays with the kids at night, he will ask them what can he pray for them for...the others usually ask for prayer for the things that are going on in their world which there is nothing wrong with that and we should, but every time Ryan asks Levi what to pray for him about he always asks for prayer for others or he asks for things like "that God will never leave me". I have spent much of the past day since having the revelation with Levi thinking about surrender. That constant battle that goes on. I find myself often in that place. That tug of war between what I want and what the Lord wants for me. And in those moments I have to rest in God's promises. Because as I have learned over the years, we often face obstacles in getting to the places that God wants to take us. I have had to learn that when God gives me a glimpse of my future, that I can't ask how many obstacles are coming my way. I just have to ask Him what I need to do to get to where He is taking me. And as the challenges come, because they always do...I rely on Job 42:2, Job has become one of my favorite books, "I know that you can do all things and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted."

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