Best and Worst

I read this quote today by Darrin Patrick that said "Want to see the best and worst version of yourself? Hang out with your kids." That stuck me right in the heart. Not because I don't know it's true for me, but because I know that it is. Ryan and I talk about this often. We see qualities in our kids that we don't like and the Lord is quick to show us that they are a reflection of us. So, if you are in our home when we realize that their bad qualities are a result of us, we repent. We repent to God and then we repent to our kids. We explain to them that mommy or daddy does something that isn't appropiate and that we are sorry that we taught that to them but from now on, no one can behave that way. And if they see us behave that way again that they need to let us know that we are not honoring God. And let me tell you, it's pretty humbling to have a 2, 3, 4, or 5 year old let you know you aren't honoring God in the moment. I am thankful for my kids for so many reasons. I love them so dearly. But this lesson right here ranks as one of my favorite reasons I love having kids. Because they teach me that I am not perfect. They remind me daily that I screw up. It allows me to never think more highly of myself, but forces me on my knees because I realize every day how much I need Him. But they also have taught me more about God's grace. They never hold grudges. They forgive easily and love unconditionally. Having them has taught me to love everyone better. Imagine if we all loved as children do...if we all forgave as quickly as children do, if we never held account of wrongs as children do...what a beautiful place this would be. My children have taught me to view the world and people differently and for that I am forever thankful.

Love

Since planting Praxis Community Church, we have spent countless hours asking questions like "why"? Why do we do this, why is this needed etc? This past year we have been so blessed to ask these questions as we flush out what Praxis is to look like and to be very intentional with the way we do church. It's also reminded me a lot of being saved. I didn't come to faith in Christ until I was 22. Looking back on it now, I see that the Lord had been wooing me for years. It's really beautiful to think about now. I endured more heartache than I care to address in this blog growing up. By the time I had graduated high school, I was rather hostile to the gospel. This idea of this all knowing, just, loving God honestly pissed me off. Yes, pastors wives do cuss. 

Planting Praxis has had me really remember where I was coming into faith in Christ. The patience that many had with me over the years. All the seeds that were sown into my life. The list is endless I am sure, but my Nanny God rest her soul, Gracie, Jamie, Sarah, Donna, Jason, Lisa...you all impacted my life and my walk with Christ more than you will ever know. I am beyond thankful. The majority of that list knew me prior to my conversion and spent countless hours loving a kid who didn't love herself. It was in their love for me that they showed me Jesus and in that love restored my hope that maybe, just maybe this Jesus is real. I had a crazy conversion that I'll save for another day. But I often think of the love given to me by these people when I didn't deserve it. When I resisted it, when I flat out refused it. They loved me anyways, in spite of me and in that...my heart slowly began to change. Love. At the heart of who Praxis is, is love. We may not have all the bells and whistles just yet. We have a lot of things left to figure out. But what we do have...is love. And that's something that I am proud to say we do well. We don't care where you have been or where you are right now..what we do care about is you. And we're ready to love you if you'll let us. I know it's scary..I have been there. Just come....

So why Praxis? Why do we exist? Because of love....because He first loved us.